Well it’s been a few months since my last post, which was full of all sorts of crossroads. I am unfortunately back writing to you in the same exact place I was. However, I now have an MBA, which is slightly more exciting.
I was extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity to be a graduate assistant to a statistics professor over the last few months, who generously offered me a position at his data analytics company. I get to work from home, and on projects that require a lot of thinking and time. Especially because I don’t exactly know what I am doing. I mean I am saving a lot of money by living and working at home, however there are A LOT of downsides.
I know…I went from talking about public relations and social media to all of a sudden doing data work…who am I? Well the answer is, I don’t really know. I went through a few personal things these past few months which had a detrimental impact on my self-esteem. Sadly, I am still suffering and trying desperately to find a cure.
I spent my whole life being creative, yet here I am working with working with numbers. I mean I am good at what I do, however, it is not what I want to be doing. It’s extremely cliche for me to say, but it doesn’t make my soul happy. I am in a rut. I don’t like who I’ve become, what I look like, or what I am doing.
In my last post I mentioned I thrive off being stressed and planning, however in this job I don’t have things to plan. I lay in bed all day receiving a call every once in a while to complete work. I have nothing pushing me to be better. I have lost all motivation when it comes to establishing a successful future, and it frustrates me.
I am so aware of what I am becoming and the different ways to fix it, however my anxiety that I have also mentioned is becoming worse, in the sense that I am becoming unrecognizably okay with being lazy with my daily routine, eating habits, and basically everything else.
I have this voice in my head that constantly tells me to do something creative, yet my inspirations for doing so seem to be dwindling.
I have come up with some game plans to get my life on track, however, it is going to take a lot of personal strength from within to get me where I want to be…I need to believe in what can be and push myself to get there.
I figured writing to whoever is listening as my motivation to stay on top of things. Also, that way I am not the only one exploring this new scary world!!